You don’t need therapy. You need a stitched panda and a sarcastic T-shirt that screams “I’m not okay”.
Welcome to the emotionally checked out corner of the internet — where plush mascots and funny burnout shirts band together to form the unofficial emotional support squad of DarkTacos.
Because sometimes, your feelings are better expressed by a zombie rooster than a 3-paragraph Slack status.
The Stitched Panda – King of Coping Mechanisms
He’s got loose threads and looser boundaries. This panda has seen some things — mostly from the corner of your bed while you spiral at 2 AM. Think of him as the CEO of emotionally checked out.
Dress yourself with our emotionally unavailable shirt to complete your look of stylish detachment. It says “don’t approach me” in the softest tone possible.
The Zombie Rooster – Wakes Up Dead Inside
This guy sets an alarm just to snooze through it. He’s the physical embodiment of that Monday morning Slack ping. Half feathered, half fried, and entirely over it.
Our “Energy-Saving Mode” burnout shirt is his uniform of choice — perfect for pretending to be functional on less than 6% battery (and 3% hope).
Join The Broken Spine Yoga Club – No Gain, Just Pain
You can’t outrun your problems, but you can jog alongside them in a dark humor workout T-shirt. This bony overachiever is sweating out existential dread and maybe a hint of last night’s regret.
Throw on the “No Gain, Just Pain” funny burnout shirt and let your wardrobe handle the passive-aggressive commentary. Bonus points if you also skip leg day.
The Crying Dolphin (Coming Soon, Probably Crying)
While he’s not on a shirt yet, he’s spiritually present. This watery wreck is just trying to stay afloat while screaming internally. We love him. He’s not okay.
Conclusion
Forget bubble baths and meditation apps — your emotional support squad is made of stitched animals and funny burnout shirts. Whether you’re checked out, spiraling, or just vibing with your existential crisis, DarkTacos has a mascot for that.