Welcome to the meeting that could’ve been a spreadsheet. If you’ve ever felt your soul quietly leave your body during a Q3 alignment session, you’re not alone. We’re living through a golden era of corporate burnout, where your KPIs are up, but your will to live is down.
The culprit? A cocktail of toxic work culture, passive-aggressive Slack messages, and that one guy named Brad who uses the phrase “moving the needle” like it’s a spiritual mantra.
But what if we told you there’s a stylish form of protest? Enter the anti-corporate shirt.
Why the Corporate System Is Slowly Crushing You
1. The Performance Theater
Your job isn’t about output anymore. It’s about looking busy in a Zoom window while dying inside. You might not believe in the mission, but you’re expected to fake joy for a Canva deck.
2. Surveillance Disguised as Productivity
Every click tracked. Every bathroom break noted. Your manager has spreadsheets about your spreadsheets. It’s enough to make anyone fantasize about becoming a lighthouse keeper.
3. Feedback Loops of Despair
“We value your input” usually translates to “We heard you, and we’re doing nothing.” It’s corporate gaslighting with a quarterly follow-up.
How to Fight Back (Without Getting Fired)
Short of quitting and opening a goat farm, you can still fight back. Enter the uniform of the quietly defiant: the funny work T-shirt.
Some top picks for your silent rebellion:
- “Let Me Escalate That” – For when you’re done pretending diplomacy works.
- “No Gain, Just Pain” – Yoga pants not included, but resentment is.
- “Energy-Saving Mode” – For when you’re physically present and spiritually buffering.
- “Micromanager Hero” – Featuring everyone’s least favorite cape-wearing menace.
These burnout fashion pieces are more than clothes. They’re battle flags in the war for your remaining serotonin.
Dress Code for the Anti-Work Resistance
Ditch the business casual. Embrace the business casualty.
Wearing a sarcastic work shirt isn’t just funny—it’s therapeutic. It signals to your fellow survivors that you see through the facade, that you’re not drinking the hustle Kool-Aid, and that you’re emotionally unavailable for team-building trust falls.
Final Slide: You Deserve Better
You deserve more than engagement surveys and vague promotions. You deserve dignity, boundaries, and a cotton blend that screams “I’m barely holding it together.”
So wear the shirt. Fight the system. Save your soul.
DarkTacos — For the Emotionally Unavailable, Overworked, and Sartorially Equipped.