In every workplace, there are a few… special characters. Not the kind that brighten your day or boost productivity. We’re talking about the ones who show up with superhero energy and absolutely zero self-awareness. At DarkTacos, we gave them capes, coffee mugs, and their own T-shirts. Because if you can’t escape them, you might as well wear them.
Welcome to the Corporate Hero Collection — an anti-corporate fashion line inspired by the overzealous, under-delivering champions of the office. These aren’t just T-shirts. They’re dark humor apparel for the sarcastically employed.
Catchphrase: “Have you tried clearing your browser history?”
Armed with a backup drive, six half-dead USB sticks, and a sense of superiority, Captain Cache exists in every office. He knows your passwords, judges your tab count, and disappears just when your screen turns blue. A legend in his own mind, and a minor inconvenience in yours.
Why you don’t want him on your team: Will spend 45 minutes explaining why your Wi-Fi problem is his burden to bear.
Wear the shirt: When you want to channel chaotic IT energy without actually solving anything.
Catchphrase: “As per section 4.3.1 of the Handbook…”
This hero’s greatest power is passive-aggressive PDF attachments. Armed with a clipboard and the soul of a rulebook, they can kill innovation with one well-placed audit. They once reported someone for having too many Post-its. True story.
Why you don’t want them on your team: Will CC your manager before you even hit “send.”
Wear the shirt: To every Zoom meeting you want to mentally exit from.
Catchphrase: “We’re a family here.”
They’ll smile through the layoff announcements and schedule a mandatory positivity workshop afterward. Known for dodging conflict while preaching “open-door policy,” the HR Enforcer’s true superpower is emotional camouflage.
Why you don’t want them on your team: Will enforce burnout policies after you’re already broken.
Wear the shirt: When you need armor against forced fun.
Catchphrase: “Just one more all-nighter.”
Running purely on caffeine and self-neglect, this martyr masquerades as a team player. Every crisis is a badge of honor, every 3 a.m. Slack message a love letter to hustle culture. The project could have been done a week ago, but that’s not heroic enough.
Why you don’t want them on your team: Normalizes suffering as team bonding.
Wear the shirt: When you’re working late and want everyone to know you regret your choices.
Catchphrase: “Just checking in again…”
He has six eyes on your Asana board and a seventh for your soul. Max can spot a missed semicolon from three cubicles away and will ask for a progress update before you finish your coffee.
Why you don’t want him on your team: You’re already doing the work. Now you get to explain it. Every hour.
Wear the shirt: As a passive-aggressive warning.
Why These Shirts Matter (Unfortunately)
This isn’t just workplace humor — it’s workplace survival. We made these funny workplace shirts so you could express your inner despair while still looking amazing in meetings. Think of them as therapy with better stitching.
Each character is drawn with care and existential dread, screen-printed on soft, premium cotton that feels like the weekend you never get. Perfect for sarcastic employees, the chronically over it, and anyone who’s ever had to attend a synergy workshop.
Final Thoughts
If you’re tired of workplace nonsense, congratulations: you’re in good company. The Corporate Hero Collection isn’t here to fix anything — it’s here to laugh at everything. Wear the dysfunction proudly.
Because if we’re stuck in late-stage capitalism, we might as well dress the part.