A Style Guide for the Lovably Avoidant
Let’s face it—emotional availability is a luxury item these days, and most of us are shopping in the clearance bin. Therapy’s expensive. Journaling’s exhausting. And opening up to people? Risky. So instead, we wear it—loudly, ironically, and on pre-shrunk cotton.
Welcome to the only style guide you’ll ever need: funny t-shirts for emotionally unavailable people. Because nothing says “I’m processing this internally with sarcasm” like a dark humor tee paired with 6 hours of doomscrolling and a dead stare.
1. The “I’m Fine, Just Dead Inside” Collection
Main theme: Radical denial in Helvetica Bold.
This is for those of us who still show up—physically—but checked out emotionally somewhere in mid-2021. Your calendar says “Monday,” but your soul says “try again tomorrow.”
These graphic tees for burnout are your armor. Not because they protect you, but because they warn others: approach with snacks or not at all.
T-shirt translations:
- “Emotionally Bankrupt, But Still Tip.”
- “Mentally Out of Office”
- “Running on Vibes, Regret, and Black Coffee”
You don’t wear these to impress. You wear them to communicate. Preferably from across the room.
2. Streetwear for the Socially Allergic
Also known as: fashion that tells people to leave you alone, politely.
We call it introvert streetwear, but that’s just marketing code for “clothes with built-in boundaries.”
These shirts aren’t just cotton—they’re exit strategies. They say:
- “Don’t Talk to Me Unless You Brought Snacks”
- “Social Battery: 1%”
- “Not Today, Extroverts”
They pair well with noise-canceling headphones and fake phone calls in public.
3. Emotionally Damaged Merch (That Still Slaps)
You’ve got issues. We’ve got inventory.
If your love language is sarcasm and your therapist stopped responding to your emails, welcome home.
Emotionally damaged merch isn’t about being edgy—it’s about survival. It’s how you process, how you joke, and how you scream into the void without alarming your coworkers.
You’ve probably said one of these recently:
- “I wear my trauma in layers.”
- “Feelings? I left those in a group chat once.”
- “This is my emotionally supportive hoodie.”
We print that energy. Then we ship it to your door.
4. When Your Coping Mechanism Has a Shopping Cart
Look, some people drink. Some people run marathons. You impulse-buy ironic coping mechanism clothing at 2AM and call it “retail therapy.” We respect that.
It’s not just a shirt. It’s:
- Your breakup playlist in fabric form
- Your email draft titled “I quit” turned into fashion
- Your soft refusal to participate in hustle culture
Let them wear blazers. You’ve got emotional baggage—and it’s screen-printed.
5. Funny, But Make It a Little Concerning
Because at DarkTacos, we don’t just do funny. We do relatable in a way that makes people pause.
These are the shirts that get you the nod in the elevator—the “same, dude” moment from a stranger who’s also been crying at their desk between spreadsheets.
You might want to wear shirts saying:
- A skeleton drinking from a “World’s Okayest Employee” mug
- A pigeon in Crocs yelling at a vending machine
- A cartoon cactus labeled “Low Maintenance, Still Prickly”
We’ve got these and more coming. It’s what we do instead of processing our emotions.
Final Thoughts (and Deep Avoidance)
If you’ve ever wanted your wardrobe to do the emotional labor for you—congrats. You’re already part of the club.
We don’t just make t-shirts. We make wearable disclaimers for people fluent in sarcasm, burnout, and the quiet art of shutting down emotionally in public.
So the next time someone asks “Are you okay?”, just point to your chest.
If it says:
“This is My Coping Mechanism”
…that’s your truth.
Stay weird. Stay withdrawn. Stay wildly self-aware.
Welcome to DarkTacos: emotionally unavailable fashion for people who still want to be seen—just not spoken to.